10 Things I’ve Done that Surprise the [Expletive Deleted] Out of Me
Thank you to Red Cardigan for the idea.
1.) I got married at 23 and was with child almost instantly. Given that I was committed to a life of independence, or at least a few years of selfish yuppie traveling with my husband, I’m shocked that not only this went down this way, but that it’s been so fantastic.
2.) Decided to become an Almost-Stay-At-Home-Mom. I used to think that I needed a career and two high incomes to be happy. Turns out I need a toddler who likes to wipe his runny nose on my husband’s side of the bed. :)
3.) I assumed that everyone else at my leadership retreat in high school was going to go on to sing the second verse of “This Little Light of Mine.” Apparently not. I sang the whole thing by myself because I don’t believe in trailing off into the distance. Everyone thought I was amazingly confident. Nope, just proud.
4.) I got locked in a relative’s bathroom when I was 3 or 4 years old and a fireman had to come through the window to get me. The cause was not knowing how to unlock an old fashioned door, and not knowing my right from my left. (Yeah, telling a 3 year old to turn something to the left is not very helpful.) I was still having to right ‘R’ and ‘L’ on my hand during Driver’s Ed.
5.) I told a cab driver who was hitting on me, in Spanish, this entirely fabricated story about how I wasn’t dating because I was in mourning….for my husband and children who were killed by a car bomb back in Ireland. I never really did learn the fine art of “No, thanks” when it came to guys. I just got married, which is the perfect deterrent.
6.) When I was working at a corporate job, and my new manager was treating me like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe, I took her car keys off of her desk and dropped them in the Lost and Found after she had taken the train home. I only regret that it was on her husband’s birthday, as this meant she noticed the missing keys long before the office was empty and she was able to catch a ride to the train and catch an early train. My plan had involved a long walk in the cold to the train station, and a nice two hour wait for the 9 PM train. I’m surprised I did this, and I’m surprised I don’t feel bad about it.
7.) When I was a junior in high school, and very much in favor of being liked by my teachers, I took a look at my classmates who were forming themselves into pretzels and trying to mimic the posture of the rubber animals the English teacher had handed out, said “this is bull****,” walked out, and homeschooled myself in half of my subjects for the rest of the year.
8.) I had a fight with my mom, right before I turned 20, she said “It’s my way, or the highway,” and I moved to Mexico for a month.
9.) Despite being a major league tightwad, I didn’t learn to love buying clothes at rummage sales until this summer. A light went on when I bought 15 new Ann Taylor, Eddie Bauer, Land’s End, and Express sweaters for $.75 each.
10.) I bought a hideous pair of black cowboy boots while traveling, for the obscene price of ~$80 USD. I let them smolder in the back of my closet after being worn 4 times, and then sold them on eBay for $26. The surprise? Someone else wanted them and I was happy to get 32 cents on the dollar.
Related Posts
Affiliates
Recent Comments