Love, Love, Love!
Let me be honest. I’m really not that nice of a person. I have a few friends who are really, truly, I mean it! nice, but I’m really not like them.
Exhibit A: Someone gives one of us a really lame gift.
- My nice friend’s response: Oh, thank you! It is so thoughtful of you to think of me! (Meanwhile, in her head: It’s so nice they even thought of me! God is so good!)
- My response: Oh, thank you! (Meanwhile, in my head: I doubt I can even regift a piece of crap like this. Why would anyone give me a shadowbox with a homemade origami swan inside?)
It’s true, I really have no gratitude for anything that isn’t pretty much what I would have chosen for myself. I write nice thank you notes, but I often don’t really mean what I write because I’m too busy being picky to have a thankful heart. I have honestly at times thought, “Great, now I’m going to have to spend time exchanging this.”
So, now that I have demonstrated why my nickname in these parts is Scrooge, let me say how much I love my baby. Zoe has a feathery sweet touch when her fingers flutter; she smiles brilliantly while she dreams; Zoe lies quietly and observes me with her dark blue eyes while I change her diaper and clothes, despite the fact that I’m slow and awkward like a 7th grade dance; she is perfectly content to wear a sack cloth or the mountains of pretty outfits bestowed upon her by her fan club–she has no material concerns; she purrs in my arms and openly grunts as she works her digestive system–she’s as honest about that as she is about her appetite.
I point out my natural tendency toward curmudgeonry because I personally get a little green around the gills when I read certain Christian/mommy blogs. My life is so blessed. I could see God’s love for me because he answered my prayers today. I was driving when I saw a perfectly-good ironing board leaning against someone’s trashcan. This is exactly what I needed! Can you believe how good God is to me? Also, please keep me in your prayers because my unemployed husband was killed by a drunk driver this afternoon, and despite having six kids and no job skills we stopped paying his life insurance two days ago. I can’t help it, I think maybe you should place a little less stock in God’s prayer-answering capacity and a little more in Murphy’s Law. God provides, but I’m pretty sure he leaves the upgrades to us. Free will and all that….
I think it’s good for people to know that God could send me blessings so obvious you would think he was trying to hit me over the head with a two-by-four, and my response would be: Black? I was hoping we would win a red car. This puts into stark relief what happened today: four minutes before we were due to leave the house for the baptism, I pick up the baby to put her in her carseat and her backside is COVERED in poop. It extends from her knees to her shoulders, and just so happens to be soaking through the only white outfit I own in her size. My first thought was, “I was worried this would happen at Church and now it won’t!” I calmly and lovingly cleaned her off and found something else for her to wear. It was like I was somebody else, somebody nicer.
God really is good. I’m not, but I think he’s working very hard to change that.
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