A poem: One of the World’s Oldest Languages
I soften the yeast in just-warm-enough water. Add sugar, Add salt. Add oil, Add nuts and spices. I stir the dough and add more flour, a quarter-cup at a time. I knead and wait. As the dough perfects itself (you’ll know it when it forms blisters), I oil a glass bowl, drop in the dough, and let it rise, until doubled in size, in a warm, not-drafty spot. While the dough rises, I might read, or cook, or play games with the baby. When the hour is up, I greet the monstrous dough, so large and foamy. Slapped on the counter, it grudgingly sinks and sighs. Using my hands and my tapered pin, I meticulously form two perfect loaves, free from bubbles or bumps. And then in greased loaf pans, the dough rises again, pale and swollen. I slide the bread-in-waiting, into...
Read MoreThis is so bad, but so, so funny
Just watch this Aussie diaper commercial. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paw0M7p1-8k&feature=player_embedded. You won’t be sorry.
Read MoreWhy Teachers Hate Parents
Not all parents, mind you. We just hate those parents who think a.) we don’t care about your kids, b.) we don’t have feelings so it is okay to write snotty emails before attempting to host a civil conversation, c.) it is a debate or democracy when it comes to what I saw your kid do. No, if I saw it, it happened, no voting on whether or not I’m right, d.) teacher is to principal as dental office secretary is to dentist, so go ahead and bring all of your complaints and concerns to my boss before talking to me. I’m hardly even a professional! The only thing separating me from a McDonald’s burger flipper is this comfy office chair! What brings this up? Here are all three parent emails I received this week (names changed): Letter...
Read MoreGillian’s List 1
Saturday, September 17, 2011 Work out at gym with Fierce Laundry Clean ceiling fans and dust/vacuum bedrooms Make chili and vegetarian enchiladas Finish sorting books to give away (step one in Project Out of State) Respond to irate parent emails, explaining that there is no extra credit, since that would encourage students to not do the actual course work. Send copy of class notes and assessments to shame them into seeing that if their kid is doing poorly, it is 100% because they are not working. Call new tutoring client Go through circulars and plan grocery list, line up coupons Go to bookstore with Fierce to look at possible towns to move to Wipe down dashboard and windshield of car Put “emergency” kit in car: spare clothes for both Wolfie and me,...
Read MoreLittle snapshot of my Real Simple essay submission
I have come to love where we are different, and to cherish how resiliently himself Fierce is. I am grateful my attempts to change him failed, because it’s given me a second, unmerited chance to unconditionally love him for himself, as he is, as other, rather than to enjoy him as some Frankenstein of my own confused making.
Read MoreIt Doesn’t Get Better Than This
So, per my last post, my mom was sending me imaginary texts. Imagine my surprise when I saw this in my inbox this morning: Before everyone has me committed to the looney bin, let me share some text messages that I sent the birthday girl on Saturday nite.: Me: Wat r ur plans for tomorrow? Mighty: Um maybe nothing why wats up Me: We have a cake for u Mighty: LOL why for me LOL Me: Isn’t tomorrow ur bd? Mighty: Na lol my bd pass already lol but istill want some cake lol Me: Ur bd is tomorrow…I should know, I was there Mighty: Lol ok then lol so wat cake you going 2 get me lol Me: We already have a carrot cake and a present for u and Maura Mighty: wat you got me J Me: U will have to wait and see Mighty: any clues lol? Me: No….youlike it, u have to play...
Read MoreSadistic Motherhood
The last few days have been ones of upheaval. It started with another round of my mother antagonizing my sister Lisa, and then gleefully punishing her in response to Lisa’s slight attempts to thwart off the attacks. My dad joined in and ended up refusing to take my sister to the social security office to replace her ssn card, which my mother had lost, and which was making it difficult for Lisa to tie off some loose ends for when she starts college next week. In the course of things, I wrote my mother one measured email, and she wrote a screeching, emotive tirade in response; I told my dad I was taking Lisa to the ssn office, and didn’t address the fact that his behavior to her had been inappropriate, when he let me know that Lisa could move in with me,...
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