Baby Bliss
Zoe is a week old, and I am enjoying the honeymoon period. She sleeps easily, nurses easily, and her primary complaint is getting hiccups 10 times a day. Fierce and I change her outfit far more often than is necessary, since we know she’ll only fit into these tiny clothes for a few weeks and we enjoy seeing how everything looks. We still haven’t gone through all of them, despite having three changes a day for nine days. Wolfie is doing well, but is testing his boundaries. We’re dealing with more defiance, some outright, some subtle. However, today was a day where he turned a corner and was sweet with me for the first time since the baby was born. He got on my (recently vacated) lap and asked me to pull my blanket over his legs. He laid on top of...
Read MoreNot that you wanted any….
I just realized that some people might read the title of my last post and think, “ew, good!” Just to clarify: I would never post birth pictures online. Or share them with anyone in person. The title comes from the fact that even if we had planned to document the momentous occasion, we would not have been able to.
Read MoreWhy There Are No Birth Pictures
1:00 pm: I’m on the phone with my mom, irritated by Braxton Hicks that feel like trapped gas. 1:45 pm: I realize that I am not able to follow the plot of a Law & Order episode, call midwife and explain that these gas pains are 2-3 minutes apart and that I can’t—“here comes another one” “Okay, get on your hands and knees, relax your tummy, relax your kegels, relax your hips.” “Okay, that’s better.” “That was only 30 seconds.” “Oh no, I’m still rock hard, it just doesn’t hurt now that I relaxed.” “Oh. I think one of us will come over and check you, just to see.” 2:15 pm: Midwife arrives. I am trying to arrange childcare for Wolfie in the 90 seconds between peaks. “You’re 6 cm.” “Are you kidding me? That’s...
Read MoreThe ASAHM is really getting closer to SAHM
Things at my school have been miserable this year. Between the hate mail generated by a few parents, to the belief that I can always do more or do things differently enough to satisfy everyone, I’m tired. I became a one-day-a-week teacher putting in 15 hours into teaching, grading, and writing curriculum. After the latest round of, “And can you add in more oral assessments for the 8th graders? The ones who talk through the whole class anyway? And grade quizzes faster–24 hour turn-around isn’t good enough. And motivate the kids to learn a language that we don’t value enough to count toward sports eligibility. And add some more graphics to that textbook you’re writing,” I told my principal that I was carefully considering...
Read MoreA poem: One of the World’s Oldest Languages
I soften the yeast in just-warm-enough water. Add sugar, Add salt. Add oil, Add nuts and spices. I stir the dough and add more flour, a quarter-cup at a time. I knead and wait. As the dough perfects itself (you’ll know it when it forms blisters), I oil a glass bowl, drop in the dough, and let it rise, until doubled in size, in a warm, not-drafty spot. While the dough rises, I might read, or cook, or play games with the baby. When the hour is up, I greet the monstrous dough, so large and foamy. Slapped on the counter, it grudgingly sinks and sighs. Using my hands and my tapered pin, I meticulously form two perfect loaves, free from bubbles or bumps. And then in greased loaf pans, the dough rises again, pale and swollen. I slide the bread-in-waiting, into...
Read MoreThis is so bad, but so, so funny
Just watch this Aussie diaper commercial. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paw0M7p1-8k&feature=player_embedded. You won’t be sorry.
Read MoreWhy Teachers Hate Parents
Not all parents, mind you. We just hate those parents who think a.) we don’t care about your kids, b.) we don’t have feelings so it is okay to write snotty emails before attempting to host a civil conversation, c.) it is a debate or democracy when it comes to what I saw your kid do. No, if I saw it, it happened, no voting on whether or not I’m right, d.) teacher is to principal as dental office secretary is to dentist, so go ahead and bring all of your complaints and concerns to my boss before talking to me. I’m hardly even a professional! The only thing separating me from a McDonald’s burger flipper is this comfy office chair! What brings this up? Here are all three parent emails I received this week (names changed): Letter...
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